Head Pain Answers

I woke up yesterday morning and called Doctor Dunbar. “How quickly can you be here, there is a 10:45AM MRI just downstairs from us.” We picked up our things and headed down. I brought lap tops and chargers and filed me chemo bad with overnight stuff. I knew this could be a long day. I couldn’t believe how fast it all was but I went from MRI machine to her office in 30 minutes maybe. She had the normal, “How was Disney?” And we told her how magical it all was. But also, the God Gift that allowed me to walk over 8 miles a day in Universal, pain free! Still a gift I cannot get over.

The next words she says throws me a little. “So, if you were my sister, I would tell you to do whole brain radiation…” She collaborated with some of my favorite doctors and they took time to collect everyone’s ideas before going with what they felt was best. MD Anderson, radiaction oncology, Dr. May, all of them. She was very happy with our #teamnadine and said the next step is radiation. Again, as a sister, this is what we need to do. She threw medication on the list, new words, possible new experiences, like getting Keppra because we need to stay in front of seizures.

After explaining the new medications and going through out list, I still had yet to see these bad boys. She was all for showing us the scans and I could see the spots the second she put them up. More of them, and they turned brighter, so bigger, or more dense. She whoed us one area that shows the base of the stem and the area is “toothpaste” or I took it as not smooth and flowy.

So after seeing that and being set up with a radiation oncologist for literally the next day, I realized this was no mess around deal. Depocyte, despite its angry reactions, never worked. So for 6 weeks, the tumors grew. My head hurts worse than anything I have ever felt in my life and baths and sleeping good both make it worse. That’s kind of unfair.

We left that hospital realizing that we just skipped on over Plan B and went straight to Plan C. That’s a little disheartening. We had a few tear moments and contemplations of life. I’ve been praying for a miracle, is this what you had in mind!? I think it is garbage right now, and I’m angry, because I think your answers SUCK right now.

We decided the most peacefull place is Blankets. I did. Totally rode my bike and went over and through the woods. There is once place I like to get off and lay around, it’s in the creek and the sun was shining like crazy. I lay down, close my eyes. I just listened to everything and loved it. We rode a lot too and talked and enjoyed our bike day out. It was crazy as the day before I couldn’t move my head.

We ate dinner with mom and dad and almost went to buy our camper but it was closed. I’m thinking the Grand Canyon trip must happen a little sooner than expected, but that’s for us to see later. We all sat together and prayed and that is when I told God I was angry and I cried and cried. I’m not sure what anyone else said but we finally went to our rooms. A little while later, Skip comes in. We are gathered around, and he has a surprise. Wait, WHAT!? Apparently he and a few friends were working on and solidified meeting Shawn Mendes. HE told us all together. There was fainth knees, passing out, smiles, screams and tears! It was so much fun to hear those words! Of course the bigges thing in the back of my mind is, “Will I make it through this 30 days of raidiation? Will the side effects be cool enough for me to get there that weekend?” I have to get through at least 18 days, today is March 1.

Today I woke up in shambles. I could barely stand or get to the bathroom. I took a handful of Tylenol to gopefully ward off the pain. I started antiseizure meds last night and I stopped my maintainance chemotherapy dose. I wrapped my head in a scarf as tight as I could and did my best to help get the monkeys off to school. I can barely keep my eyes open to write this, but I wanted to.

I’ll admit, I’m scared. Our appointment today is at 2:15pm. I have no idea what my schedule is or how often I have to be there. There is a lot to learn this afternoon. There is a lot to absorb. She did tell me this could work! So how much faith do you have? All we need is that of a tiny mustard seed and we can get what we ask. My family wants to see my brain return to beauty. No more cancer and for the gray matter to heal. We need to see a miracle and I’m in my circle. Every day. Expecting one.