It's Prednisone's Fault

So I was expecting a decline in performance today, first day off Prednisone. Last time it was like someone had drained all my energies. Today, 2 days after chemo, I’m okayish still.  Had a huge 4-6AM insomnia/starvation/dehydration moment and was up for a while, and I feel the weird, but not the flu like symptoms (Pretty sure it’s the Xometa now which I get next week so we shall know if that is the culprit). So, I took it easy after a long day yesterday and slept in. I even made the kids lunches for Skip during my early rise cereal craving to try to help his sanity.

We went to the zoo yesterday, as I knew I would feel good the day after chemo, I always have. We brought my mommy stroller and that helped a ton, and gave little Alana and Isla some chill time too when they needed it. The park was clearing by the time we got there and 3 hours of fun was to be had with my two girls, two nieces, mom and sister. I posted a ton of pictures today on facebook, yes, I even felt well enough to tote my camera around!

We came home and we ate leftovers from what I had made the day before and got everyone to bed early. Skip and I watched a movie and both laughed uncontrollably, keeping us awake and cheerful. But then when the movie ended, it hit again, those darn emotions. It was Paris.

See the movie referred a few times to Paris and Madison and I earlier that day had talked about Mexico and if we would still go. I told her, I’d probably rather go to Paris, and Rome as Italy was by far one of the most amazing places I had ever been to. I told her that was my dream at some point, to take each girl to Paris when they graduated high school. She said she knew people that did that and we quickly changed the subject as I think we both started getting teary eyed.

So after the movie I blurted out, “lets go to Paris…” and skip starts looking at plane fares and I start tearing, more like gushing. Streams of too many emotions came pouring down my face, as they are now, and I couldn’t even tell him why and it was awful because my head went from Paris to way too many other places - fast. Whew. So I cant write about this anymore.

I blame Prednisone. That is my thing right now. It's all Prednisone's fault. hehe.

Now Alana is home, we are going to do homework together. I am very thankful for another day. I played with pictures, I caught up on some to-do’s I wanted to do, I even juiced a couple of jars of good stuff, and I took out some meat for tonight’s dinner! There is a ton to be thankful for, I’m trying so hard to stay positive, and just hope that this cancer they say I have had for almost 8 months now has gone. I can’t explain it now, but the closer I get to those scans, the closer I feel to it being reality. I got my blood work from Tuesday earlier and my liver numbers have come way down, still high, but one was actually normal! There were a few things off, but they tend to stay off when I’m on chemo and they’re like .1 or .2 off, so we will just say normal. Healthiest sick person you know… always.

Let me just say it again if I haven’t said it enough, and especially since I’ve had a rough few weeks, THANK YOU. I cannot tell you how many people daily reach out, and not always the same people even, just to say “hi, we are thinking about you.” It truly makes a world of difference. You don’t have to have any clue as to what I’m going through and I won’t pretend to understand yours, but I do know through the storms of life, surrounding ourselves with people filled with positivity and love, and having an army of prayer warriors, saints, angels and a God who I don’t always understand watching our back, makes this storm a little less scary. I’ll never be able to let all of you know how much we love our team, but we do.

And to my husband, who I’m sure doesn’t read my blog except on occasion, he’s beyond amazing. I cannot thank him enough for the love, patience, support and care he gives to me and these little girls every single day. He works, serves, cleans, shops, drives, along with 8,000 other things on his daily to do, and even deals with his own emotions. He carries more than I could ever imagine putting on one person. Skip, you’re the best and I love you more than you know, I can’t wait to be better so we can do this next part of our life the best way, the most right newer normal way.

Ah, more tears coming, so I’m done. Battlefront has magically come on, so I guess homework was super easy. Sweet. Love and hugs.

Muah.