So days go by, we are praying for doctors, where to go, treatment plans, herbal intervention, new diets, new lifestyles, the new normal. It's hard. We wake up every morning in each other's arms and pray, "thank God for another day..." It just seems right. Every day is precious and we are going to honor that as long as he has us breathing on this earth. We have done our share of melting down, even been in some pretty dark places. Every pain scares us and the fatigue is unusual for me. I can't quite grasp that I must slow down, but I do. Sleeping can be an adventure, but like one night, I woke up in no pain, and I stayed up to enjoy it. It's been a battle for sure. I've met a couple more people on the "chemo for life" plan and I rest without a doubt that God intersected our lives for this very reason. He knew we would need one another. I never knew how deep into the pit I would fall, but I felt like every branch I would grab to pull myself up, I would find it breaking and I was down two more. Finally something happened.
Around 7:00 PM on whatever night (at this point I truly have no idea when) Skip came up to get me. We had guests. I knew Laurie had texted me, and it took all the energy I had to make it down to see them. Except it wasn't Laurie, it was #teamnadine. Some precious ladies, wearing HOPE shirts and the biggest smiles I've ever noticed, filled my living room and began to explain what they had been putting together. I remember hearing Laurie say, "we brainstormed and came up with a plan. We kept hearing you say you just wanted to take your kids and leave on vacation. We started a gofundme and in 24 hours we raised $13,000." It brings tears to my eyes as I write this. All I could do was cry. That day had been one of our hardest yet. We had talked about the fears of not seeing my kids graduate, not ever getting better, dying. It was also the best day yet, as that was the day we got out for a bike ride. It was less than an hour after we explained to our kids that this was the new normal. That I would never finish chemo. That we would stay positive, that it would be okay to cry and that we would have fun whenever we could. That it might be scary and we might cry, but that is okay. Then we stood in a circle in our little kitchen, hands in the middle and prayed hard. Little #teamwall hugged for a long time. Like I said, hard day.
So as this news was being delivered, I can't explain what overcame me, but it felt like someone injected me with mega doses of love. Happy tears flowed like a river. I am not sure I still quite can grasp what happened and how this has come together, but I am so thankful. This gift allows us to do things, take time off and make those precious memories in the time we do have together. I haven't been ready to read all of the messages, but we will. I know it's going to be super emotional. I hope we can repay the kindness to all who have shown so much to us some day. We could not be more humbled and grateful for this world's generosity. You are each an amazing blessing from God. How cool is it that YOU are part of the plan? So glad we've crossed paths. I hope you are encouraged by our story of hope. We are finding it.
PS. My super Nadine shirt is the mac daddy of all shirts. I think I'll be able to fly with it. :D
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