Just realized that I posted only a few months ago that we were all clear. It seems like I'm in another dimension. Life as normal as we know it just ended and the new normal has begun. What's that? Cancer return #4.
I went in to the doctor thinking I had a kidney stone. The pain would come in waves and every time was more severe. My doctor did and x-ray with no finding and sent me for an Ultrasound. The tech was great but after about a minute asked me when my last scan was. I told her about 9 months ago and she proceeded to ask me if they ever saw anything on my liver. When she hovered in the areas that were unimportant to this particular moment, I started getting anxious. When I finished the CT tech came in and said there was fluid on the kidney and they would need to do a CT. She gave me this amazing mocha chalk drink and sent me home. I let me dog out and packed a bag. I had a feeling I wasn't going home.
After the scan was done, maybe 2 seconds, not even joking, they sent me immediately to my doctor. At this point I could hardly walk and was by myself. I walked in, threw my hands on the receptionist desk and said, "I have to see Dr Williams now. I need a shot NOW!" Thinking back I must have looked like all kinds of crazy. She begged me to have a seat and when I felt like I was forgotten, I walked myself back to the back anyway. Glad I did, I just so happened to walk smack into my doctor.
The gave me a room in the back and I sat in the chair thinking I was about to get sent to the ER for kidney stones. Dr. Williams sits down, and with this goofy grin I still cannot get out of my head, says, "We think your breast cancer has spread to your abdomen." I looked at him and and said, "What!!?? Are you JOKING!!?" This was NOT a funny joke! He wasn't. I found my way to the floor and the walls caved in on me. I cannot quite explain the experience but it was like not being able to escape your worst nightmare.
He led me to his office to get comfortable on his couch while he called my mom. Oh, and they finally gave me that fantastic shot! I remember calling Skip and all I could do was cry. No words came out. Think I finally mustered why I was calling and after that it all becomes a blur.
I remember we stopped by NorthSide imaging so I could grab the Ultrasound and CT report and began reading it while I waited. I had no idea how bad it was. Forty percent of my liver was covered in cancerous lesions, the largest being almost 8cm. There were multiple abdominal masses partially blocking 3 areas of my small intestines. Enlarged lymphnodes and fluid, all playing a part in annoying the kidney. I kept telling Skip, "this is so bad. Oh my God Skip this is so bad."
We head to Emory, and when we arrive there was a five plus hour wait. I walked in the door looked around and thought to myslef there is NO WAY. So I asked nicely how long the wait was and got dragon receptionist. Oh my. This was not happening.
So if you've ever read my history, I have two of the most beautiful, amazing, caring doctor daddy's in the world. I texted them. They had me set up to go the the ER at Northside, Admitted to Internal Medicine, Procedures listed that needed to be done (Oh, the majority of the pain was caused by a mass blocking my urether!) and already had an oncologist lined up to help us. I cannot explain the burden that was lifted just from a couple of doctors texting us, visiting us and basically carrying us through the next couple of days.
It was amazing how bad I had been feeling over the last couple of months. I had had my hysterectomy in May and I was assured there was nothing on my liver and all pathology was benign. So how does cancer grow so fast? It took off in my body. We were dumbfounded. And so the story of how we will beat cancer number 4 begins...
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