Keep Pushing Through the Noise

Lsat night after Skip worked we through the CD’s in to make our own readaing. I think we both instantly knew what we were looking at. A big sad puppies face! Aw, it looked so cute! Okay, no no, it was my brain and there lie several tiny circle-spots, all in the meninges of the brain. I’ve seen a lot but I’ve never seen it from this angle. Wow. How is it that I have beautiful spinal fluid, yet I now have at least thirty something tumors bathing in it? I’m sure I will get the answer this weekend, but I have heard the doctors ARE communicating. I shouldn’t make assumptions, but I am. I’m guessing they will start Opdivo immediately, wait a couple of weeks and start IT depo/methx. Basically Methotrexate and the hell drug Depocyte into my brain. Every part of me shouts OH HELL NO but I know that means 4-6 weeks. So like I said, I should not speculate whats being discussed. I do know a trial is being tested that I qualify for but I want to do Dr. Kesari’s trial much much more. The also cancelled all my appointments at Emory until my spinal MRI proves to have no progression of disease, but they are trying to get me in to the hospital to run it in California. That would be a GIFT.

So anyway, I really had no feelings about this. It’s like you just heard “It makes no sense, your LM is still there,” though I’m sure it’s been there since June because I looked back and saw it. Is it worse since then? Yes. Mildly. I gave up worrying my tail off about what if the worst happens, and I just put my head forward and I’m aiming my unicorn horn to win! Do you want to know how I dealth with it, “who wants to go play putt putt!?” The cheers of my 8 year old were too loud and my eldest was rolling her eyes until she actually got there – then it was a cool memory! I mean WHO plays putt putt on a school night at 7:30!

Skip then dropped me off to pray with some friends for sweet Amy. She will have her 7^th reconstruction surgery tomorrow from breast cancer, but shes that quiet soul in the background working hard to make sure everyone else is taken care of, so you would never know. Please pray this one takes and that she has a speedy recovery! They’ve been an awesome blessing to all the cancer folk in this hood, let’s bless her back.

This morning I woke up and it was tired, hungry and wobbly so I climbed back in bed after whatever I ate. But then I thought, “This is stupid. I should be able to row a kayak. My back is feeling a ton better, and this could go really bad or really good.” See Traci and I had planned a little lake time and I had cancelled on her and we decided Starbucks. “Starbucks, no.” So we made it work, skip helped me on and around the lake we went, nice and slow. On a side note, the water was DISGUSTING and I did my best to NOT get it on me. It was peaceful otherwise, shady in some spots with a nice breeze. We got to talk a lot and do more catching up. I love my Traci time.

Then I went up to a friends house where we talked about who we were and did a little more catching up, rocking on her front porch. It was a good time, so beautiful and needed for both. It always amazes me how everyone’s love languages are so different, so many of my friends don’t even know mine, but thankfully that was something my husband and I figured out early on.  It says somewhere in there, if he or she does a language to you over and over, you can pretty much guarantee which one they have as we typically show love the was we tend to receive it. Just random information, lol.

Now I lay in bed thinking I should nap but don’t really want to. I have a million things swirling around in my head about what I want to do before Christmas along with planning my diagnosiversary! Maybe I will take a nap! And then I’ll make new goals! What can I fit into a whole another YEAR!!!??? Zzzzzz.