Tomorrow will be 10 weeks since my surgery! What a journey!
I wrote a bunch this morning, trying to catch up, and had yet to post it, but I have to write about what tonight meant to me first...
H.O.W. is an organization called Helping One Woman. Each month a woman going through a tough time is nominated and loved on at a girls night dinner at Cherokee Cattle Company. There are several chapters and they all meet at the same time on the same night! Each woman brings $10 for the woman honored and all the money is raised for her as a beautiful blessing. Tonight that recipient was me.
It is nearly impossible to put all of my feelings into words. God sent a group of truly amazing women to eat alongside us tonight. My mom, aunt, grandmother and dear friends all came. Staff, bible study friends, people I didn't even know... All came to honor... me... My family. I'm sorry, but that can only be a God thing. He has taught me so many things through my battles with cancer. First it was love. Second it was leadership. This time it is learning how to slow down and identifying what true joy is. I believe a God given joy is spiritual. It is not something you can conjure up and make happen. I was diagnosed with cancer and my response was joy. I woke up from surgery and there it wa again, joy. I faced some of the hardest most painful days and nights of my life, he sent me joy. Tonight, it showed up again... Joy.
I received notes and hugs and smiles that were beyond anything this world could ever give. A joy resonates in my heart tonight, a sweet song, one that creates tears of joy, peace and a smile. Joy is a positive feeling, almost a childlike contentment and a fullness of your soul. It's something that I know I would've never found had I never faced this storm... Not something we will always choose, but i am living proof that if we search for the positive, we will find it. We will make it through. We will eventually know why, even if not in this life... God is my strength, and he's topped it with a little joy. I'll never be able to tell each person how their presence changed me tonight. There's a part of my heart that is forever changed and thank you will never ever be enough.
...the following is what I started writing this morning...
This weekend my hair began falling out but starting yesterday it REALLY started falling out. Wow! I woke up and my pillow was covered in hair. Then I worked for a couple of hours and when I got up hair was everywhere! I then decided I should probably put my hat back on. I took a shower last night and there was so much hair it covered the drain! Then I had to clean out my hairbrush twice. I've decided it's time to shave my head so I'm heading to Pings Salon tomorrow night! Can't wait. I don't really care, it's kind of interesting how it all just happens at once, but at this point it's just messy and sticks to everything. I'm not even sure how to get it all out of my hat. I know, I can just turn it inside out and it'll be a wig! Lol
On a different note, I rode 43 minutes on the trainer yesterday! The first time I've had my heart rate up (we did some intervals) and the longest I've pedaled since surgery. Let me just say, it was AWESOME. I have to say other than the losing of hair and the sporadic random pain somewhere and numbness, I'm back to normal! I know it's the calm before the storm, but I think I am actually ready! At one point, sicker than I've ever been I just yelled and laughed "bring it on! I've got God on my side! Lets go!"
Now I'm feeling good, I'm ready... Lets do this!
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