Light & Rainbows & Phase Two Complete

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16 MSG)

I think some days I'd just rather not be chosen to show light and rainbows to the world. I have a terminal disease that will one day bring me home. Yesterday was a tough day but thankfully I've had much worse days. I fought bad thoughts and ugly cries all day long. I prayed often but staying in my pajamas and soaking in hot baths seemed better than going anywhere. 

Today at 8:45 my Doctor will try again to infuse chemo intraventricularly (I learned a new word) intrathecal is  technically by lumbar puncture. Found a great podcast from an MDA doctor and his patient who has made it over a year now. Very interesting, detailed and inspiring: http://www3.mdanderson.org/streams/AudioPlayer.cfm?mediaID=8FED17A7-029B-4806-8D23-43D0C1BDD86A

I have to keep hope today. Ativan made me sleep and now Xanax is barely allowing me to write this.

Just finished! Praise the Lord! We all prayed. I prayed in my chair, before during and after. So relieved!!! First words were "it's doing it again!" She readjusted and boom, it flowed. "All clear, looks great". Around the 8cc mark she started getting that resistance and stopped. I had a headache from it and it stung while the needle was in. Laying here for my 20 minutes of observation then go home.

Phase two is DONE!!! We have made it to the third phase! Topotecan twice a month!!! Oh thank God. Thank you for supporting this scary day. Love you all!!! Spinal and brain MRI is January 18th before my intrathecal chemo. Big day, I'll be starting to pray now. xoxo