Joy at Christmas

A week has gone by since last writing which means I have felt super good and haven’t had much time to blog because I’m spending it more with the ones I love most.

Today was intrathecal chemo dose number 16 or the 4^th of 6 in the second phase of Topotecan. I feel pretty much amazing. We have noticed that I feel a little (teeny-tiny) nauseated and tired the following 24 hours, but NOTHING like AC chemo. I’ve started one of the two drugs and have been on it for a week with no adverse effects. The knot in my stomach has seemed to diminish as I’ve been stretching daily and trying to build my core little by little. My muscles seem to be adjusting well and I have buckets and buckets of energy. People keep asking me how in the world I keep going with this great big giant smile and I couldn’t figure it out until a little scripture I ran across the other night. Joy, simple and pure. I am filled with an unreal amount of joy.

Last night a few things happened. The first was Madison coming in and saying, “I want to snuggle and watch a movie. I know that doesn’t happen very much, so now please.” HAHA! Like before she changes her mind? We had the best night! The apple TV actually had some issues so we ended up talking and giggling for two hours. Completely priceless and we even snuggled. She’s right, never happens. Since church that morning she had been grinning ear to ear and said she didn’t know why and couldn’t stop. Joy. I sent her a scripture this morning “a happy heart makes the face cheerful…” Proverbs 15:13 Makes me happy to see her happy.

We had the best morning at church. We met Skip’s dad there and Gloria. It was a really awesome message, “I Am Not Alone” was the closing song which made a nasty good cry, but it was good and everyone seemed to enjoy the morning. We went to lunch afterward and had the nicest time together. No one worked, we all laughed and enjoyed the company. Skip got his birthday gift and was on top of the world and super surprised.

I later texted my LM sister out in California. She’s the only other person I know with Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis and every time I hear the song I Am Not Alone I cannot help but think of her. It’s truly hard to not feel a lone when you have a disease that effects very few people and has such a grim prognosis. There just aren’t many out there. Unfortunately, I received a text later that evening stating she was not doing well, and I think my heart fell to the floor. I was sick to my stomach and have not stopped thinking about this sweet woman, whom I’ve never met in person, who has beat the odds so far and has made it 10 months. I have chills even writing that. I’ve fought the tears all day until I finally told Skip in the car tonight and couldn’t fight them any longer. I told him I desperately want to just hop on a plane and meet her. She’s my LM sister, we are not alone… and we know we are not alone because we have God, but man, it’s pretty heart wrenching.

At the same time, so many beautiful things keep happening…

My Amber came to take me to chemo today and we had the best time. We talked for like 4 hours straight, ate lunch, laughed, cried and did what sisters do. I am so thankful for my friend of now 30 years. Love this girl.

I heard good news from two friends waiting on tests and biopsy results and they were clear. A huge relief. And super thankful.

I had an awesome date night with my man and family and even had sushi for the first time since the summer. It sounded good and it was heavenly.

Then we went to Trader Joes. I had my Christmas brunch list and filled a buggy to the sky with organic treats and amazingness. Liekly my favorite store ever. But then something happened. Something I’ll likely never forget. I stepped into line and a man gets in line behind me holding 6 large water bottles. So I let him go in front of me, no big deal at all. He was so thankful and after 5 seconds another cashier came to check me out. Before he left we made eye contact. He said thank you again, and Merry Christmas. Skip and I continued checking out for a while and then walking up towards us is the same man. Except he was holding out a Christmas present, smiling and left me with a gift. I looked confused, he said thank you again and I said Merry Christmas. Shocked I look in the bag from one of the cutest boutiques, Honeybutter, and it’s an awesome green Christmas scarf. I looked at Skip as everyone in the lines I think stopped everywhere. It was unbelievable. A lady as we left grabbed my arm and just was in amazement. This is what Christmas is all about. I am pretty sure everyone there went home with a smile, a full heart and have a little more faith in humanity as a whole just because of a couple of tiny acts of kindness.

Now, I’m watching Heroes with my little Madison because it’s our thing, so I have to wrap this short. Just didn’t want to forget the awesome stories, because really God is now showing off. I’m so blown away by his faithfulness and the love of so many-friends, family and strangers all alike. So full tonight as I lay down, and still a heavy heart for my Mary. Keep the hope. Merry Christmas.