Liver Biopsy Today 11prep,1procedure,recovery4hrs,home

Blogging. My therapy.

Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes nothing comes to me. Today is the latter. I’ve wracked my brain for the last 24 hours trying to process how they can be out of options. I think they knew it after the last scan, but didn’t let me see the reality of the scan. The stereotactic RA didn’t work, instead it formed a cluster surrounded by edema or swelling, and several new tiny tumors arose, possibly even the LM. Xeloda stopped the progression in the brain and brought my tumor markers way down, but it won’t hold the brain for long.

Our hope is my California doctor will be able to give me a few options, as long as the disease hasn’t progressed past the point of whatever that point is.

You know the one conversation that I cannot get out of my head was with Carol and Dr. May. They ordered Methotrexate to be administered intrathecally but then explained it would really only help LM. Well for me that was an easy decision, why go through the stress of that if it is not going to kill the other tumors. I said something about dying and she said, “you’re either going to die here, or die there (meaning Cali).” We were having a very real conversation and I looked at Carol and was like but remember, “I AM the 1%.” She said, “Yes you are with a tiny bit if that 1% hope. I realized how real it was when she asked if Dr. Dunbar had discussed Ridalin. I was like the ADHD medicine?! Um, no. But then quickly realized she was planning quality of life. It is like speed to those who don’t need it giving me the energy I’d need so I didn’t sleep the last months of my life away. This just got serious.

Skip and I have been working hard putting together spreadsheets, updating my book of records and sending everything to Calornia.. They now have everything they need pending the liver biopsy results from today’s adventure. I have no idea why I’ve psyched myself out because the first really wasn’t as bad as I claim it to be. But please be in prayer for no complications and the results they need to be speedy.  Cali is hoping to have a plan and us out there in 2-3 weeks and God willing no advancement of disease between now and then.

I have to talk about this bible study I’ve been working on with a few buddies online. I thought I knew the book about Ruth but let me say this study is changing me and helped me to realize a few things other than the title: A Woman Who Doesn’t Quit.

1.     I’m scared of eternity.

2.     I need much more hope in eternal glory, not present wins.

3.     Realizing that suffering in the span of eternity will be a blip on the timeline.

4.     Stop complaining about what has been taken from my life and being thankful of what I do have.

The book of Ruth in chapter one talks about how her husband up and moved their family to find food, security, and hope in another land. There he died and his children leaving Naomi and two mother in laws. He was searching for hope just like we are. Begging God for a miracle when we’ve seen so many on this roller coaster journey. Realizing I need to hope in my God much more than anything else. I so want to be holy in his eyes, and desperate to serve my family, friends and community the was he would want me to. I would love the chance to be free of this disease, but hope in eternity will have to grow in me more each day as well.

I pray my journey has inspired and encouraged you. Love, faith, hope.

(Oh and apologies for my explosion on FB yesterday. Really hard day.)