48 hours of rest continues

Saturday and Sunday have merged and I don’t know what day or time it is most of the time. I’ve been on a pillow since 10PM Friday night, moving from place to place, wherever there is a good place to take a nap. I feel this pressure just pushing me down and to the sides. Even sitting I have a falling sensation that I fight. So instead I lay. I have slept for two days now. Three naps a day and 9 hours of sleep. Thankfully my stomach alarms when it has been a while, though not all food is appealing already. Seemed mighty fast.

The seizure thing still has an ugly hold on me. We decided we would try to sit at church (lucky I didn’t) but the car gave me so much anxiety I had Skip turn around. I couldn’t do it and we went home. I fell right asleep and he stepped up the daddy-mommy duties for the day. I was awful proud when I saw him baggy lunches for the week and he told me, “I’m learning from you! This makes it so much easier.” Hehe. I know.

People keep asking how I am. That’s a tough question. I have PTSD from a seizure. I have the aftermath and sore muscles from a seizure on top of  a very high dose chemo, and probably a few dances from Friday night’s party. I am more dizzy/unbalanced than ever, my head mildly hurts, my vision is messing with me and I looked up “leptomeningeal last days.” Can I tell you what a pity party I had. Stupidest thing to google but so many husbands posting about their wives and the sad deterioration that occurs.

I may add induced coma to my advanced directives because none of that looked tolerable for me. And if it’s anything like what happened Thursday, I can’t.

Anyway I am going to say prayers with my peanut and go to bed. I can barely write this as it is, but I just wanted to update. The ups and the downs and this is definitely a 48 hours of down. Hard falling down down down… Trying hard to do what I can, pray when I can,  eat and drink as I can, and respond as I can. Love you all and know I love to talk, so night night. Talk tomorrow.