Tuesday Poosday

On our way to chemoland. I'm so over it. I've had a ton of sweet notes and texts today but I'm really just kind of Blagh. I don't feel horrible, I put make-up on, I slept good, ate a big breakfast, but I am just struggling. I'm over chemo, over cancer, over the same old swirling vortex of crap. I need to catch a break soon. I know positivity is half the battle but it's starting to bug my good mojo, finding myself faking it more than I ever have. Just bein real here. 

I'll just update this page today...xo

Oh. I did wear this for giggles. 

Port accessed and had some good real talks with my Kelly May. She didn't talk to Kesari but they did forward all the documents and notes over per request. So guess we are doing it. She asks after I explained I never recovered from the last dose, "well are you ready to be hit harder??" She's like he nearly doubled the Alimta and barely went down on carbo. Awesome. That's what I want to hear always. 

So I did realize my pissiness is likely due to my fab dose of steroid. So take what I say with a grain of salt because literally I think this drug is the devil. 

Waiting on the pharmacy to start my drugs and then I will likely pass out for a few hours. Dr May joked she would sneak up and access my Ommaya when I was asleep to save me some anxiety but we just saw it'll be in Atlanta 4/27. Awesome fun. Have Xometa 4/25. Have all scans on Cinco de Mayo. Then we wait. I already have scanxiety and chemorecoverxiety so three weeks of Mega prayers will be good. Those scans and cytology MUST BE CLEAR. I've only

got so much fight in me and this is hard.

We need a miracle. 

My "so love to be here place."

No breaks last round, hitting harder next round, sounds like I'll see y'all in 3 weeks. Lol. 

Peace out. 

So Ativan alone has not done anything. Waiting on the Benadryl to send me off to Kalamazoo land. Think everyone knows here I'm having a bad go and are just going out of their way to be extra sweet and encouraging.  It is very heart filling. 

Where are knocking out a few thank yous  today and hope to get them out. I know it's just a little card but hope it helps people understand how much we appreciate them being our team. We can't send a note to all sadly.  The others just need know we couldn't survive without our army. Our warriors I hear pretty much have us covered 24 hours a day. That is beautiful and prayers are always the best gift.

We have a separate account called Hope that we are crazy about How we steward those gifts. January and February we paid all of our medical bills. Our out of pocket maximum being 9,000 made a scary bill but we earned some miles along the way. Some went to our longest stay at Hard Rock where we had the best Febraury break of our lives and the other being Washington DC and barely using any money on that trip!! We used only the hotel and uber fair for Dr Kesari as we needed a full blown relaxing trip on the ocean. It was fabulous and Ladened with blessings. Now we are back and hope to take a short strip soon in the camper before heading out west. It didn't come out of Hope if any of you had any wonder, it's something we had planned on doing for a while now and saved up. I will likely have Dr K appointments in the coming future we may need to find sky miles but for now we are good.

I'm here, Doctor is taking direction fine, and all the premed a are working beautiful. So if I start typing and my eyes close or make nonsense words... Feel me. I'm crashing. Lol.

Oh I crashed hard. I only slept about 30 minutes but it was definitely good nap time. Came home to mom and the kids and have basically just chilled on the porch talking and watching backyard volleyball. Thankful for another day and maybe even peaceful about the week. I have a feeling this one isn't going to be that hard though I have about 5 opinions on that. We shall see! Only thing excluded and pushed off was Nuelasta and that is next Wednesday while they access my ommaya. 

Oh! Look at what I "slaved" all day over! Mmmm. Making Easter dinner for the week!