Such Generosity to be Blessed by...

...But as it has been told to me over and over, Nadine you would do the same for me. 

It has been an overwhelmingly powerful week. To the point that I’m not sure I could even sum it all up. Christmas Eve brunch was nice and then it was off to Eve Service at Northstar! Except we didn’t make it. I began feeling super groggy and needed to go home. I passed out the second we walked in the house until at least 4:30. We decided at 6:30 we needed food for Christmas morning and Kroger closes at 7. THAT was fun! We share a Wunderlist so we split up and me and the motorized cart got what we could in 10 minutes. It was funny actually. Thankfully in that time frame sweet friends invited us over for Eve dinner and I think we all had a super time. I was grateful this year to NOT have the Waffle House tradition and to just hang out with friends. There was one thing missing, candle light service at church. So we went home, and Madison played Silent Night on the piano and we lit tea lights from a candle I’ve had for YEARS that I’ve never burned and we did a little candle light vigil. We said our prayers and then it FINALLY began to feel like Christmas. And then stuck to the one tradition that Alana has reminded me about daily for the last week, our pajamas and Webkins! Yes, we have never missed a year. BUT never have we all had MATHCING Pj’s. Skip was absolutely NOT fond of my choice, but he endured them and it made me super happy!

The next morning we all got ready for the day, stayed in our jammies, then ran down to see what Santa had brought. Sadly Madison wasn’t as into it as I horribly made a mistake over the summer and she was shattered, but hey, made it to 13! Little Lana is still 9 and oh the giggling over the elves (and I must say Skip is SOOO good at moving them) just made the day. I got the do the last day and had a lot of fun with it.

Cocoa and Hope forever. We all had a fun morning, a very emotional day at times, some super cool unforgettable gifts, and lots of family fun, food, and laughs.

The next morning through noon we packed up for a week of Ellijay. I was worked. There is so much mind processing and packing and we had a car full of gifts for the farm! Dad made me two benches and two table/benches and if it had not been raining today we most definitely would have had them out. Instead Skip woke up to a planned bike ride with Steve, and then Stefanie showed up. They said Tucker wasn’t feeling well and off they went. I lay down happily while Alana beat a million levels of Harry Potter Lego PS4 and Madison enjoyed her fixed iPad. I just fidgeted to stay warm.

Then I hear this thud and more loud sounds and ask Madison if she hears that. She shook her head no, with a “mom is losing it look.” But then it got louder! She goes oh ya, theres a truck comeing up the drive and I thought maybe UPS. I decided to get up, and Steve was outside going, “you don’t see this” or something while Brandon Smith is in a giant bulldozer. I will be honest, my Christmas list was a pair of slippers, hiking sticks, and a list of things I wanted done in Ellijay. So when we drove up the driveway and looked around, none of them happened and I was a little disappointed. So I nearly cried, got out of pajamas and just goofy grinned. They’d pulled it off!! I had NO idea and it may have been the service of the century. Brandon flattened out the ruts and old concrete while Steve oversaw the gravel, THREE loads, with Jack, Tucker, Stef and Skip helping along the way! They even did the front yard, rid my life of Yukka plants, the lemon basil, the creeping ivy and all these annoying bushes! I’m hoping to have some back laborers to finish it up and make it perdy!! Eek. It was the most amazing thing ever! Skip and I drove the groundbreaking trip to the bottom, and I couldn’t hold it together, Brandon’s words set me off, realizing what they had all done, getting everything covered or donated, I’m just in awe.

I’ve struggled to hold it together multiple times this week. I know many cancer friends who are losing their battles or have lost ones they love to it this December, this year actually, and its made it hard. The last scan showing what it did in my brain has me pretty convinced I won’t make it to the end of the school year, much less to my daughter’s 14^th birthday. So we are here again. The same fears, the same tears, and a miracle of a year was given to my family, on top of so much generosity, prayers, hope and a huge amount of positivity. Days like this make me forget how sick I really am. Everyone says I look so good, but I do! I mean… haha let me not get conceited but seriously, without the walker, a few wobbles and near falls, faulty memory (which everyone seems to understand), I’m fine.

I did have a moment today where I thought I felt my liver and that flips me out. My systemic has to continue to get better it’s only been 5 weeks on this drug. I have a feeling we won’t be on it long, but who knows, positivity right?? Live day to day, live present. These are all things I know and have brought me through the year, but it is SO hard not knowing what my brain is looking like. Just had another friend find out she is in my situation-ish in the brain and it broke my heart. Why do I know so may of us diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013, have full stage four two years later? It’s weird. Anyway, I’m shooting for an early scan at the end of my off week as my UNH nurse was pretty confident I could swing a 4 week approval scan. Just prey the little bastards are being blown up like firecrackers, some Harry Potter spell, some Saint intervention, talk to my tumors and cast them out. They are the enemy, my body is the Holy temple where the Spirit resides, cancer cannot stay in the name of Jesus, let me be healed.

To all again who were beyond generous this Christmas, you’ve been such a blessing to my family. We continue to pass it forward but youre now making it hard to keep up!! Of course you know I’m being silly, we cannot outgive God and are gracious for your love, prayers and kindness. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays.

May peace be with you and yours.