Psalm 16

I woke up at 3. Went to bed a little before midnight. I’ve done everything I know to do to relax. Yoga, praying, bath, snuggle-snuggle with Skip, and now Ativan, water, my bible and prayer.

The book I’m reading today has a title of Duty. Now yesterday when Alana climbed down during my prayer time, she read that like any 8 year old would. DOODY! No, not the D-O-O-D-Y word but the duty word.

Our duties are to our family. Serving, loving and showing respect to our husbands, obeying God, brings joy to the rest of the home and our children. The heart overflows when we learn to love and respect first. The author writes, “Our biggest duty is to love God and follow His will.”

A few scriptures popped out at me.

Exodus 19:5 Now, if you filly obey and keep my covenant, then out of all the nations you will be my treasured possession. He offers that to all of us. I feel like I’ve obeyed more in the last six months than I have in my life and feel as if the Living Word is saying “yep, keep doing that. I likey!”

The next was “When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them.” Proverbs 16:7 I think it was in Psalm three or four the other day when Alana and I “were reading the bible more” (Her 2016 goal) and it kept mentioning enemies. So we changed that word and when we read it, we inserted “cancer cells.” She was blown away by how it read and kept finding more.

So this is where God and I went today. Proverbs 16 was a good all around read.

Today that page is all marked up! Proverbs 16:7 “When a mans ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him. My enemy is cancer. May I please you always as you have already been so good to me. The more I realize how rare it is to be asymptomatic the more blessed I feel. My cancer is disappearing, and the cells that are left we hope and pray are ceasing to fight. Let them be at peace as is my soul.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. I saw the date today and I realized today would be the day I would see the doctors at MD Anderson. Fantastic plan, but it would have easily been another 7 days before I would be starting any kind of treatments. God completely changed our plans, did a 360 stop and we stayed right here. We constantly say step by step and day by day, I hear the whisper of his voice saying here is the place to be. What a gift to have the best doctors in the states seeing you but not seeing you and still giving their recommendations.

Proverbs 16:13 “Kings take pleasure in honest lips, they value a man who speaks the truth.”  One of my 2016 goals was to be fully honest. And I have had to use it! It’s easy to exaggerate or not fully disclose things. Little white lies I’m learning to crush.

Proverbs 16:15 When a Kings face brighterns it means life, his favor is like a rain cloud in spring. You know I couldn’t think anything about that except that I would see spring. That my hope Is to see summer.

Today being the Old MD Anderson day, would’ve put us out west to stop by the grand canyon. For the last four months we have been family talking about our trip out west this summer. It includes a map, lots of research by us and the kids and a fun camper trailer. We bought a Yukon last spring in hopes that it would be our big summer trip the following year. Boy, do things and plans change. Now instead we go back and pray over every plan and I will be anxious free that God will determine every step of the way and bless the roads we end up on. So if you were sad we didn’t go, don’t be, this was always meant for the summer, just praying I’m still holding that miracle in my body.

Finally. I can’t get our song out of my head. Bless the Lord – 10,000 reasons. Yesterday it was all about the new day dawning, now it’s when the end draws near. Which sounds sad, and I’ve played it over and over, but it inspired me to go back to a message from a friend of a friend last week who lost her mom along with her sister at the ages of 12 and 14. It reminded me to keep going. I take an obnoxious amount of pictures and have video plans, but even just a daily video with all of us crazies would be fun, so I’m doing that more. I edited my hidden blog post again with like over an hour of big tears and smiles, for Skip to read to the girls and family after I pass. I guess I figured new drug, better get my crap together. Again, my plans not his steps. I also have a bag for them with gifts and cards for my three peas I made back in October. I know this home will be full of reminders and things, but I agreed with her, memories do fade quickly. Thank you for your encouragement.

I guess I’ll sign off with less anxiety that when I began. This day scares me as did the very first. After 17 treatments I was a pro and all was good. Until 18. Praying I never get as complacent as I did on the inbetween, praying it doesn’t hurt or cause and instant effects. I pray it causes NO side effects and that every cancer cell is killed after 1 dose. I pray we are the exception. I pray that I can be the miracle too. Praying so hard for the other opinions and waiting for God to pain the next steps as I go this morning.

I guess I’ll go catch a couple of hours of sleep. I’m wiped out, my legs are sore (I did yoga for 20 and walked half a mile or so and ran to lap on the track at the Y! I even played a volley with Madison who decided she is back for Y ball this spring. She AND Alana are playing!! Those are some killer fun memories and they adore!! Cannot wait to be crazy volleyball mom again. <3

Love and hugs and there is no way to thank you all for what you do. We have been surrounded with the mightiest warioirs and this battle is near from over. I can be sappy or sad, or joyful and brave, but regardless of how I am “feeling” I have won. I’m going to selfishly continue to pray to be the one who defeats ALL odds and win here as well. My babies, my husband, I just want to be here. God bless.