I Normally Like Roller Coasters

My life, it’s a roller coaster! Going up, up, up then weeeeeeeee! Thankfully I’ve learned how to better deal with those moments. Yesterday we found out that after 3 months, my tumor markers (which show how much cancer is in your body) dropped from the outrageous number of 2,900 to 57! We have been jumping, dancing, praising God, and out of our minds excited! This in itself is a miracle beyond miracles. I called yesterday to get my cytology but it wasn’t until this morning that she called. The good news is… yep, I already got the good news, so I knew there was bad news. Boo. So she told me the test said “highly suspicious atypical cells.” It is quite frustrating. Late stage 4 cancer is nearly cured, I think it’s like 98% gone but I’m still dealing with my death sentence of a diagnosis, leptomeningeal carcinomatosis. LM. I got online researching all over again, you never know what could be found in three months, but nothing really. I few more stories I had missed before of rare circumstances where someone lived over a year, and one even lived four! Amazing. I did find some newer research stating it is becoming MORE common for LM in long term cancer survivors. We need to push for screening. Early detection is huge in any cancer. Anyway, so, I’m still very grateful the systemic disease is under control and I know God has some crazy plan. I may not make it to next year, and that’s quite disheartening, but if nothing else, I’m living every day like its true. Some days will be harder than others, today, but if I sit back and cry and pout, I’ve wasted a very precious gift of another day. So here is to taking baby steps and not stressing out over every ache and pain.

Lord I pray that my 3 day headache goes away without coffee and that you help me stay strong.  I pray that tomorrow’s infusion goes completely normally with no side effects or complications. If there are other doctors out there that you want us to communicate with I pray that those doors are opened and that if there are other ways of treating this you show us the way. I pray for strength and healing and praise you for the miracle you’ve already done in my body. I pray for the MRI to be done on January 18^th that we will see no evidence of tumors or disease progression. I pray that I am the miracle and that there is no explanation other than you for the reason I am alive a year from now. Thank you for my team of supporters, my family and most of all for your grace and love.

Be blessed.