...But as it has been told to me over and over, Nadine you would do the same for me.
It has been an overwhelmingly powerful week. To the point
that I’m not sure I could even sum it all up. Christmas Eve brunch was nice and
then it was off to Eve Service at Northstar! Except we didn’t make it. I began
feeling super groggy and needed to go home. I passed out the second we walked
in the house until at least 4:30. We decided at 6:30 we needed food for
Christmas morning and Kroger closes at 7. THAT was fun! We share a Wunderlist
so we split up and me and the motorized cart got what we could in 10 minutes.
It was funny actually. Thankfully in that time frame sweet friends invited us
over for Eve dinner and I think we all had a super time. I was grateful this
year to NOT have the Waffle House tradition and to just hang out with friends.
There was one thing missing, candle light service at church. So we went home,
and Madison played Silent Night on the piano and we lit tea lights from a
candle I’ve had for YEARS that I’ve never burned and we did a little candle
light vigil. We said our prayers and then it FINALLY began to feel like
Christmas. And then stuck to the one tradition that Alana has reminded me about
daily for the last week, our pajamas and Webkins! Yes, we have never missed a
year. BUT never have we all had MATHCING Pj’s. Skip was absolutely NOT fond of
my choice, but he endured them and it made me super happy!
The next morning we all got ready for the day, stayed in our
jammies, then ran down to see what Santa had brought. Sadly Madison wasn’t as
into it as I horribly made a mistake over the summer and she was shattered, but
hey, made it to 13! Little Lana is still 9 and oh the giggling over the elves
(and I must say Skip is SOOO good at moving them) just made the day. I got the
do the last day and had a lot of fun with it.
Cocoa and Hope forever. We all had a fun morning, a very
emotional day at times, some super cool unforgettable gifts, and lots of family
fun, food, and laughs.
The next morning through noon we packed up for a week of
Ellijay. I was worked. There is so much mind processing and packing and we had
a car full of gifts for the farm! Dad made me two benches and two table/benches
and if it had not been raining today we most definitely would have had them
out. Instead Skip woke up to a planned bike ride with Steve, and then Stefanie
showed up. They said Tucker wasn’t feeling well and off they went. I lay down
happily while Alana beat a million levels of Harry Potter Lego PS4 and Madison
enjoyed her fixed iPad. I just fidgeted to stay warm.
Then I hear this thud and more loud sounds and ask Madison
if she hears that. She shook her head no, with a “mom is losing it look.” But
then it got louder! She goes oh ya, theres a truck comeing up the drive and I
thought maybe UPS. I decided to get up, and Steve was outside going, “you don’t
see this” or something while Brandon Smith is in a giant bulldozer. I will be
honest, my Christmas list was a pair of slippers, hiking sticks, and a list of
things I wanted done in Ellijay. So when we drove up the driveway and looked
around, none of them happened and I was a little disappointed. So I nearly
cried, got out of pajamas and just goofy grinned. They’d pulled it off!! I had
NO idea and it may have been the service of the century. Brandon flattened out
the ruts and old concrete while Steve oversaw the gravel, THREE loads, with
Jack, Tucker, Stef and Skip helping along the way! They even did the front
yard, rid my life of Yukka plants, the lemon basil, the creeping ivy and all
these annoying bushes! I’m hoping to have some back laborers to finish it up
and make it perdy!! Eek. It was the most amazing thing ever! Skip and I drove
the groundbreaking trip to the bottom, and I couldn’t hold it together,
Brandon’s words set me off, realizing what they had all done, getting
everything covered or donated, I’m just in awe.
I’ve struggled to hold it together multiple times this week.
I know many cancer friends who are losing their battles or have lost ones they
love to it this December, this year actually, and its made it hard. The last
scan showing what it did in my brain has me pretty convinced I won’t make it to
the end of the school year, much less to my daughter’s 14th
birthday. So we are here again. The same fears, the same tears, and a miracle
of a year was given to my family, on top of so much generosity, prayers, hope
and a huge amount of positivity. Days like this make me forget how sick I
really am. Everyone says I look so good, but I do! I mean… haha let me not get
conceited but seriously, without the walker, a few wobbles and near falls,
faulty memory (which everyone seems to understand), I’m fine.
I did have a moment today where I thought I felt my liver
and that flips me out. My systemic has to continue to get better it’s only been
5 weeks on this drug. I have a feeling we won’t be on it long, but who knows,
positivity right?? Live day to day, live present. These are all things I know
and have brought me through the year, but it is SO hard not knowing what my
brain is looking like. Just had another friend find out she is in my
situation-ish in the brain and it broke my heart. Why do I know so may of us
diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013, have full stage four two years later?
It’s weird. Anyway, I’m shooting for an early scan at the end of my off week as
my UNH nurse was pretty confident I could swing a 4 week approval scan. Just
prey the little bastards are being blown up like firecrackers, some Harry
Potter spell, some Saint intervention, talk to my tumors and cast them out.
They are the enemy, my body is the Holy temple where the Spirit resides, cancer
cannot stay in the name of Jesus, let me be healed.
To all again who were beyond generous this Christmas, you’ve
been such a blessing to my family. We continue to pass it forward but youre now
making it hard to keep up!! Of course you know I’m being silly, we cannot
outgive God and are gracious for your love, prayers and kindness. Merry
Christmas! Happy Holidays.
May peace be with you and yours.
