Stupid Talk

Two hours of sleep. 1:30AM came around and that was it. My mind raced with what-if's with what my study called "the demons of despair". What if the cancer spread? What if I die, what will my kids do? This is going to be hard, scary, and I'm not sure I can do it. Am I healthy enough... an hour of it will literally make you lose your mind. All the while God's sweet voice kept whispering ever so softly, just go do your study with me... and I was not wanting to. It's one in the morning, are you kidding??? Nope. So down I went. I opened my book and it said, "He heard the tempters voice telling him to give up, but David instead turned his eyes toward God". He was waiting for me to go down and turn my eyes toward him. And oh the sweetness when we do.

I finally made my way down after tossing and turning and losing my mind. And of course, what would be the focal point of our study? Do not despair, for God is good. At one point I kinda of laughed, in the words of the book, it said, "Don't inflame the situation with stupid talk, keep your mouth shut and hold onto God's promises." He told me to shut up!! (I really do talk to much, I know) He impressed quiet, confidence, strength, promises, goodness, hang on, be still, for the entire next hour... My favorite was Isaiah 30:15 and I wrote it on my hand (which will probably end up on my face after I go to bed here soon) "In quietness and trust shall be your strength." Well, I don't know about anyone else, but that pretty much sums it up for me. I would love to pull out every tid-bit he showed me tonight, let's see if I can do it before my computer dies!

"People say "She is so strong, how does she do it?" I'll tell you how: we fix our HOPE on our promise-keeping God."

"Stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord... The Lord WILL FIGHT FOR YOU and you ONLY HAVE TO BE SILENT." Ex 14:13-14

Say no to despair. (It came to me like Say no to drugs) It made me giggle.

(I had to plug in, this was all too GOOD!) "David consistently ANCHORED HIS FAITH in the WHIRLWINDS of life." I was telling a friend today, that it's all just a whirlwind right now, so when I read this I could visualize this amazing picture of a beautiful anchor in the storm of life... I can't wait to paint it!

Psalm 27:13 "I would have DESPAIRED unless I had believed that I WOULD SEE THE GOODNESS OF GOD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING." Now. present. I WILL see the goodness of the Lord. I can't wait to witness God's work, it excites me! And in the land of the living, well, that is here and now, in my lifetime... "It's a matter of sheer faith. God's goodness gives us permission to VISUALIZE the kind of result he CAN bring about AGAINST ALL ODDS." I told you this was good!!!

At this point, I'm trying to figure out how he so perfectly knows when I'm going to struggle and has every word ready just in time... So what are my circumstances? What are those things we all want to see happen, against all odds. I have plenty.

Unfortunately James McDonald ended the lesson with "The reality is you may never see a change in your circumstances. The life of faith doesn't know whats going to happen; it simply maintains the perspective that "with God, all things are POSSIBLE."" I'll be honest, I listed 3 things, and that is kinda a blow. My husband knows I like a happy ending in movies otherwise, the movie "was awful and i hated it." - every time. (Even if it was really good.) But then I guess I can't be like that with the storms of life, right? If it's all good and then the end is sad, I would never say I hated my story...

Thank you God for bringing me back to you tonight. Help me continue to keep my eyes fixed on you. Show me your goodness and fill me with your strength. Because when I try to do it in mine, I always fail. I understand you are in control, and that it's not my will but yours, but please Lord, please heal me. I want to see my babies grow up. I want to hold my honey close. Please don't let me miss that... Please. Help me find strength in your arms tonight. Help me know without a doubt that you are by my side, and that you are fighting for me. Amen.