SMCA

We've had a great time in Santa Monica. I so desperately want to see good results but stable is a blessing and an 8 week return is earlier than expected!

The good part is I get to be off all chemo drugs until my hand-foot and infection heal so NO ALPINE BAKERY and no 24 hour doughnut shops and definitely no carrot cake even though it looked delicious. I'm also realizing that tomatoes are bad for ulcers in the mouth so none of those tomato base things either. 

I don't really remember what was said other then I'll be starting a new chemo drug, I won't be continuing the Xeloda, I will continue the bone drug, all along with Afinitor and excemestaine. Really that's a lot of big words. I get to do my spine MRI at home which is cool because I get to see Dr. Simon who I love. 

The toes are starting to feel better which is good and even look a little better. I don't think I've posted any pictures because that's how funky if they were. And you know me I put some pretty funky stuff out there!!

I cried and really wanted to go home yesterday I felt like stable wasn't good enough. Until I met Jim. He is this iron man triathlete who also got knock down by cancer. Brain cancer and leptomeningeal. He's a little wobbly like me. He has days like me. He pushes through like me and one crazy inspirational person, I guess like me. Then we are different. He has a shunt and I have an ommaya. He had surgery for his brain tumor and I just had whole brain radiation and drugs. He runs through 4 miles a day and I can't move out of the spot I was last left. But that is okay because one day I'll be able to do that too.

It's time to step up my game. I told Skip I wanted any bike I could ride and I'm not skipping around and cheating on physical therapy. Elizabeth you know what I mean. You catch me all the time!!

"Don't let me fall"  is playing over and over and over in my head. I just had the worst experience of my life of stupid taking a shower. I cried through the entire thing skip was there and wasn't going to let me fall. We now know I need to see my feet. 

So you ask what we need. I can tell you it's not financial assistance. It's just being there, praying hard, delivering meals, watching the kids, bringing snacks... babysit me, get me bathed, go to cvs. Laundry and picking up. Whatever. Helps. And a little funs for dinner when someone is sick, always helps. 

Thank you. For being by my side for 18 months let's make it 18 more!