Where'd I go!?

I know that some of you who follow often are thinking, “where did she go, did she fall off the face of the Earth.” Maybe not the Earth but I did fall the other night. It wasn’t bad but it was a fall – just never have fallen backwards. I’ve never done that before. Thankfully, since I haven’t had my home inspection, or any word from the doctors about it, I googled ‘how to make your home safe for nocturnal seizures.’ So when I fell backwards, my angel pushed me right into the spot I made. Otherwise it would’ve went crashing into my nightstand.

Oh wait, have I even mentioned nocturnal seizures? If not apparently you can have them in your sleep and I’m pretty sure I had one. They suck too and I think that’s why Saturday and Sunday were so rough for me. We went to Ellijay and it was peaceful for a minute, but then I crashed for a while and listened to the kids non-stop bickering. I wasn’t feeling good at all and asked to leave. I cried into my blanket all the way into downtown Ellijay, and we hit Apple Festival traffic. I peaked an eye out and the back of the truck had the word HOPE on it. I smiled. Of all the words he had on it, hope was all I could see. Was God telling me to keep hoping? It helped.

The entire week has been hard. Everything is emphasized, blurry vision, ataxia, nausea, food aversions. I can’t even read what I am writing half the time and just look at the keys! Oh and I ordered my walker to help keep me balanced when I walk. Did I tell you I turned 69 yesterday? Not 39? I hate the stupid walker, but I stroll a little quicker with it and should be counting my blessings. So what makes having a walker better? Blinging it out! I’m waiting on my vinyl and it’ll be done fully equipped with gems, stars, streamers, pinwheels, and unicorn vinyl.

Did I mention the doctors are crickets? All I’ve heard is “Dr. Dunbar is in charge of the brain MRI.” Awesome. Dr. Dunbar is now on vacation and haven’t heard how her conversation went with Dr. K. Boo. So I’ll just wait another week to determine if this is working. Oh wait, but my liver is hurting more… so really I think the ball is in Dr. May’s court.  Thing is, I know my body AND IM 99% SURE ITS NOT WORKING. Not sure how we check the systemic since I just had a PET, but I guess I will just trust her to do her thing. We meet Monday and will know more then. Whether it’s more Alimta Carbo or we start xeloda, maybe some Opdivo too!

In more fun news, I have collected bunches of kinds of fun stuff for my birthday and for my Halloween costume. What am I going to be? One guess! Yep, Valdamore! Just kidding, I have hair now, a unicorn!

I almost forgot, yesterday was my birthday and I woke up on the nasty side of the bed. I decided I wouldn’t respond to anything on social media or text until today. I couldn’t. I saw them pop up on my watch, and would smile, but honestly I felt like doo doo. It was a nice low key birthday. I’m just tired. This is actually the hardest I’ve had to fight ever. I cry over nothing. Down more than ever. Trying so hard to be positive, but it is so hard. I know I trust God, but that is even gotten hard. Just pray for me, us, I’m so tired but have to keep going. I have to be here. I beg for mercy and a miracle, my children beg. Skip begs. We all do.

I’ll update again when we figure out what the plan is, when scans are, and whatever else happens. Prayers of peace and comfort to all my fellow strugglers out there. If I could get through the last 41 days, so can you.

They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. 1 Peter 3:11