Love me a Good Shawn Mendes Song

“Sometimes, it all gets a little too much, but you have to realize soon the fog will clear up…” one of my favorite songs of my buddy Shawn Mendes. Today was that day. It’s been building and building, sinking and falling under the stresses of life. My doctors don’t have it together, stress. Car problems, trying to sell RV, getting a new roof, and pool estimates, stress. We were having problems at school, stress. Little one was sick and I have low counts, stress. To-do list grows, stress. Wanting to love on everyone I can, stress. I haven’t even sent invitations for my 9/9 celebration, stress. Overall the results, vertigo and back pain has me in the back of my mind ultimately stressed that LM is taking over. I can’t think like I used to, literally having no idea what we are talking about in the middle of a conversation. Forgetting 50 times a day where I am and what I’m doing. Stress. I can’t blog because if I have an awesome moment, and don’t document it right then and there, I can’t remember any of the details anymore. It sucks. It’s a sickness to your body and soul and it’s plagued me for a good week now. The best part of my week has been talking to people like me, and sharing what no one else could ever understand. That is healing for both parties.

Today I realized how insensitive I’ve been to my family, friends and strangers alike. Old normal was creeping in and I despise old normal. New normal is where I am and has no place for anger, frustration, stress, or drama. It was rubbing off all the colors of my little rainbow but yet God allows the love to continually pour in. I had 4 or 5 texts just last night and then again this morning, of awesome women somehow knowing I was in over my head and just messaged or called to let me know its all going to be okay, some reminding me how fragile this life really is. I cannot stop crying as I think that is how I process the let go and removal of it all, and of course a little mountain biking. (Probably not the smartest thing with my back jacked, but its likely better than destroying my watering can with a baseball bat.) I was going for the hot tub and Skip wouldn’t let me. Can someone PLEASE help us get a trailer and rid of it?

All that said, taking a deep breath, making a new list, and tackling what is closest to date, and allowing the future to take care of itself. I don’t let my mind go there, why am I planning there?!? I know better but I just can’t help myself. My daughter’s Harry Potter birthday in November is completely planned, favors are done, and it’s all because “what if I wasn’t there and I promised her a HP party?” Skip has to do it? Then poor Skip never got his 39^th birthday bash since I was so sick, so I’ve been planning a 40^th since February hoping I wouldn’t miss it. So I’m going back to the 39^th birthday bash, it’s not a 40^th, and it will be well before he turns 40 as December is just a hard time of year.

OK. Mom is going to the trails with me, a holy God loving place and I plan to just sit by the water and soak in all his grace love and forgiveness and pleading for so many as my woes don’t even come close to other’s heartbreak I know. I just want them to be encouraged, know they are so loved, and inspired, and understand, it’s okay to smash a watering can and scream every once in a while because the reality is, sometimes, it really is all a little too much.

God bless.