Meet My Port...

Madison woke up today and asked me if I had gotten my port. I said yes and she asked me if I had named it. I asked her why she thought I would've named my port. She said, "because that is something you would do..." He he. Se knows me well. I think I'm going to name it Lovie, but I need to make sure that's cool with Madison first.

Yesterday I went in to get my port. It was a really long day as they were hours behind schedule. Thankfully I wasn't very nervous, more hungry since I had to fast. It was an overall kinda-okay experience. I did meet a wonderful nurse who was trying to save me from getting pricked twice, sending me back to radiology, but in the end they sent me back to her. I was basically messing with their system and they couldn't accommodate. I was a little on edge from getting blood and getting an IV right up to the point I looked up at her name tag, it was Joy. And she was a sweetheart. After that, no worries... Even the IV was a piece of cake later.

 They do a lot of prep in the room before they sedate you. I remember asking them twice how long it takes to work, because there was no strange feeling or what they said, "you'll hear us but you won't care." I felt and listened to the entire numbing process and again told her I was pretty coherent. She said she was giving me more and from that moment on, I was out cold. I wasn't feeling great after the drugs, so I took lots of PM medicine and crashed through the night. Today I'm feeling better. We just left Dr. Namnoum who literally scolded me for letting Emory implanting the port without asking him first. He wants it done right, with as little scar as possible - basically he is a perfectionist and made it clear he wants the very best for me. So I agreed to never have another procedure without consulting him first. Lol. It was like getting sat-down by my dad! I was a little nervous! Haha! He took out more fluid and we are waiting until next Tuesday to expand again since we are headed out of town. 

As far as chemo is concerned, we are just going to see how it goes. I'm going to check out Illuminations Tuesday for a wig and Thursday is the first treatment. I've been told to expect to not feel good starting about 3 days after treatment. Then possibly again at 10-14 days when your neutrophils are lowest. Most people said the fourth treatment is the hardest. Guess we are just going to wait and see. One of those things we literally cannot prepare for - and for me that is hard! Thankfully we won't need too much help as the kids go back to school the fifth. Once again, perfect timing.

Off to go play in Charlotte 24 Hours of Booty... Kinda weird not to be prepping for a ride!! Instead I get to cheer, volunteer, take pictures, & talk! Can't wait to see who I'll meet this weekend! 

:) happy weekend. 

Physical therapy and Pink Ribbons

I just got back from PT with magical Gweyn. Today she added 1 pound weights and made me lay on my stomach! EEK. That was SUPER scary! She assured me that it was all good, which of course, it was. She has me doing these push up things. More like a lower back stretch, but regardless it felt SO good. We did yoga moves and some other interesting things to help my spine and posture, and wow it works! She's awesome and gave me a huge hug before we left. I can't wait to see where I am in two more weeks! Maybe I'll be doing a handstand!!! ;)

I left there and had a second appointment, actually not with a doctor. My plastic surgeon started a non-profit back in 2009 called the Pink Ribbon Story Foundation. Basically, it will eventually be a massive catalog of women's stories who have battled breast cancer for newly diagnosed woman to go to for encouragement and research. I was honored to be a part of the filming today, and made a lot of new friends. There were lots of smiles and lots of giggles, so in my book, that is a good day. I sincerely love people, and if sharing my story can help someone else, by all means, I am in.

I did meet a woman today who did the Penguin Cold Cap who said she would do it again in a heartbeat, but I don't think I'm that dedicated. It's a lot of money and seems like a lot of work, for something that will come back over time. (Maybe I could score a little thicker hair even! lol). As I heard her story, how and why she did it, I realized how different each and every one of us is. We faced the same disease, with strength, but with two totally different personalities. She needed no one to know, she needed to feel as normal as possible. Obviously, I need everyone to know, as I draw contentment from the social interaction. I don't really care if someone stops me and asks how I am doing... She said it would make her sick if someone did... We were both completely opposite, but peaceful in our storms. Very enlightening for me...

I'm not trying to belittle what people go through, I'm walking my own trial, but having a positive, fun attitude, making light of what could be very dark, is my way of getting through. I hope other people can find their "happy" amidst the storms. Trusting God allows me to be free... I can't imagine doing life any other way.

Fuzzy Weekend

I have to be honest. I'm kinda in lala land. My mind is in one hundred places other than where I actually am. I'm not sad, depressed, nothing like that, just weird. I'm peaceful, but feel like I have too many loose ends before chemo, yet I don't really know what those loose ends are? Does that even make sense? I'm quiet. Overly quiet, but keep being reminded that "in quietness and trust shall be your strength." I'm quiet and trusting because I'm not quite sure what else I'm supposed to be doing! I know that I need to tell the kids at some point, and I just need to pray for the perfect time and words. I need a lot of sitters over the next two weeks and I'm not really feeling organized enough to manage that. I have my chalkboard up, but feeling scatterbrained and its bothering me that I started with Saturday instead of Monday but too much of a hassle to re do it. I feel like I need to do something here at home to prepare for chemo, but I keep getting distracted. Praying hard for creativity because working has become quite interesting. Then the pondering of what should I do with all this hair. Should I buy hats and scarves? Weird. It's all super weird.

On a completely other note, I did love the church service on Baptism today. It was so good and everyone should listen to it. The service closed with the song Cornerstone. It was just for me... Through the storm, he is lord, lord of all.

-Verse 1-

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

but wholly trust in Jesus' name

[Verse 1]

-Chorus-

Christ alone, Cornerstone

Weak made strong, in the Savior's love

Through the storm

He is Lord, Lord of All

-Verse 2-

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

My anchor holds within the veil 

[Chorus]

He is Lord, Lord of all

[Chorus 2x]

-Verse 3-

Then He shall come with trumpets sound

Oh, may I then in Him be found

Dressed in His righteousness alone

faultless, stand before the throne

Oncology Visit and More...

It's been a few days, maybe longer since I've blogged! I have a lot to write actually...

Lots of firsts: I drove, twice. First time was a little tight and I stayed in the hood. Tonight I ventured to the grocery and felt awesome. I went to the Y and was able to get on the spin bike. I submerdged into the lazy river pool, wonderful. I took my first bath today. I've had several moments doing things and having a "normal" feeling. Doing my scissor arm stretches I touched the floor. I made a bed. I cooked dinner a few times. Lots and lots! It's really nice to feel like we're returning to some normalcy. Even though I know it's not going to last long, it feels refreshing and its keeping me really positive.

I went back to Dr. Namnoum Tuesday and he removed fluid from the right side only. I actually got a great picture of the needle. It's huge. Tomorrow I get my first cupcake filling and we will ask about new expected dates for the rest of reconstruction. It gets put off with chemo, but praying we can keep a surgery date before dec 31 as we would hate to start the deduct ales over.

Today was our trip to Emory. We were expecting I'd have to do chemo, I am, and we got the time line. I will start treatment August 1. I will do four treatments three weeks apart. Aug 1, Aug 22, Sep 12, and the last dose Oct 3. (Two days before booty!!! I thought that was pretty special) We have lots of research but the drug combo will be taxotere and cytoxan. Yes, hair loss is expected, but it's all good. So thankful that it seems to be a quick deal and we will pray everything gets to stay on schedule, and most of all it makes certain this disease never comes back.

I saw a friend at Emory today, she was seeing the same doctor. It was one of those God moments - totally made my day. She's a super rock star and has encouraged me more tha she knows. Very thankful for her!

Off to bed I go. This may have been the longest day ever. I'm so sleepy. Love to all of you and don't hesitate to call, text, email or Facebook! I love keeping in touch with everyone!

XOxo

Physical-magical-therapy

Thursday was my PT appointment with Gweyn. Now once again I heard her name over and over, "Gweyn is the best. You can only see her." Even the scheduler said that. Lol. Gweyn is a woman probably in her late fifties with a deep knowledge of anatomy physiology. She showed me charts and explained why I was feeling what I was feeling for an hour. Then she stopped, and we started the excersizes. I didn't like her any more. She first said ok lay flat on this table. I laughed. She made me. Then she has me taking deep breaths and it felt like my cupcakes were going to fall out of their wrappers. Then she grabs my arm starts moving it in all not so wonderful directions and oh my, hello muscle reactions! She stopped and we started 5 different, super slow, therapies. My arms were literally shaking. She counted, made me hold, stretch, reach... If you know Irene from the Y, this would be her BFF. We finished up and she said I had to do all of that three times a day. Yaaaa... Ok. I thought I was going to die. We drove home and surprisingly, I felt fairly good. I took some Advil and that evening I was reminded I needed to do them again. I did however notice, my little left pain, was nonexistent and I was sure I overdid it? Hm. So I did my stuff and went to bed - on my back with 3 pillows instead of 8. She said no more nest. Kinda sad... but, it felt good and I slept 6 hours. I woke up super early for my Emory appointment with my endocrinologist and began to get ready. I was blown away... I could wash both hands in the sink at the same time, I could stand almost straight up washing my hair, I got dressed with no pain, I felt almost normal!! It was awesome! It went on ALL day. There were things I couldn't dream of doing the day before without hurting that suddenly I could do with no problem. The muscle I would massage under my arm had been so tight it felt like I had a piece of wood stretching across it. This day, mush. I could squish it! It really got me excited and I couldn't stop. I cut pizza with a knife and used pressure! Insert silly dance. I'm still excited. I used my camera and took pictures last night of the kids playing!! I felt really good. So. You want to hear the very best part? It happened today and I almost cried I was so happy... I was able to stretch my arms almost over my head! Ok. Cool, but do you know what that meant?!? That I could shave ALL of my underarms! No joke. I've been fighting the pain, smoothing it, doing everything I could and could still never ever get it all... Today, I'm a new woman. Laugh away, it was glorious!!! It's the little things I tell you, the little things. So, I now a have a huge love for good physical therapists. She changed my life in less than 24 hours and I'm forever grateful. OH and you know what she said, I'll have you back at the YMCA doing your classes and we will get you back mountain biking too. She was confident and I believe her! Thank you magical PT lady! You're an amazing blessing!

Holy

Honor God with right living, ridding ourselves of everything evil, being self controlled, strong in faith, and obedient. God longs for us to be holy and he will often use trials to perfect that holiness within us. "He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness." Heb 12:10. He trains us through hardships and has personally opened my eyes to new perspectives every time. The problem arises when we are trained on something and then forget to practice it. The craziness of life once again takes over and the great aha moments seem harder and harder to remember. It's like learning a foreign language. I studied Spanish for 6 years, and by the time I was in college I was giving oral reports and dreaming in espanol. I graduated, never practiced it again and guess what, 12 years later I don't remember 99% of it. So why would God's teaching be any different? God is constantly molding and pouring into us, as long as we are willing to sit, learn and spend a little time with him. Then when we practice daily what we've learned we get to experience the continual fullness of his holiness and his blessings of love, joy and peace. It doesn't mean life will be easy, but it does mean that in the storms of life you can find peace in knowing God has your back, he is closer than ever, and that you have the honor of sharing in His holiness.

Happy One Month Anniversary To Me!

I cannot believe it has been a month since my surgery. I was trying to remember bits and pieces of the hospital today... The highlights were... just before getting put to sleep, in my druggist voice, asking Dr Barber to pray for me; waking up and yelling at the recovery nurses to "get that lady some fenergen"; laughing and cutting up with my sweet husband and parents as soon as they let them back, of course, my Facebook picture; making everyone find a mirror because I HAD to see the new cupcakes; laughing at my first breakfast (who would EVER want chicken broth for breakfast, especially if you are nauseated); Dr Namnoum kicking his feet up on my bed and teaching me and my brother how to make ravioli; being evacuated because of the tornado warning while leaves swarmed out of my sixth floor suite...

The memories of those two days were funny, and of course some hard. I'll never forget bawling my eyes out at 1 am when they said I'd have to get a new IV. And the best part, Skip slept through the entire ordeal... Maybe he faked it. I am kind of annoying when I get nervous. I talk a mile a minute about nothing. I found myself doing that yesterday actually... Check up with Dr N and out comes these FAT needle things. Ya. I don't think so... I'm just going to drain the water balloons out of your back. Sweet! Oh and there's a second one. Are you kidding? Lets see if there's more. Heck no! I was pretty sure had I had a real breakfast it would've been bad. You know what the best part is though? It never hurt once. I got all worked up over anticipating an ouch when really him cutting a tiny stitch hurt worse that anything else that day. So I have five days left, yes I'm counting, until they do it again. Yippeeee! Can't wait.

On a brighter, less sarcastic note, they said I could try to ride a stationary bike. Insert a really big smile. I haven't gotten to the Y yet, or I would've said how that went. Instead, we walked my neighborhood. Hills and all. It took forevvvvver. Pretty sure I was running that loop a couple of months ago, now, skip and Madison literally have to stop to let me catch up. It's so ridiculous. I did get to see two beautiful ladies on our adventure and gave me a good break while caught up. Today I woke up and my legs felt like I had run 5 miles. Jello legs! Then I thought I would try to wear jeans today. That should be on the list of things not to try until cleared. Not one single pair fit! I think all the fluid they've been squeezing out has gone straight to my booty! Ok, that's what I'm going to say for now. Shhh.

I said Booty. So, Charlotte 24 Hours of Booty is in 3 weeks and I think Skip and I are going to try to get away. He is going to attempt his 200 mile ride and I'm going to volunteer, and probably do a lot of socializing. he he. I'm definitely behind on my fund raising, but i started the hunt for corporate sponsors this week. I'd love to get at least 5 large ones to put on our team jerseys this year, that's my goal anyway. I can't wait until the Atlanta ride. I have no idea where I'll be in my healing, but my goal is to be on that start line. I feel an amazing power and such a joy just envisioning it... I truly can't  wait.

I guess I should go to bed. Tomorrow I start physical therapy and Friday I have my checkup at Emory for my thyroid which is long overdue. I started my new bible study this week "When Life Gets Hard." It's pretty deep so far, but I looked ahead and I'm pretty excited about the next few weeks. God always seems to know exactly when you need to work on each day, so I'm just going to trust he has that all planned out and will fight the urge to skip ahead:)

Skip ahead sounded like skip to bed, so I'm doing just that. Until tomorrow...
N

New favorite Facebook pages this week:
Stupidcancer.org
Pinkribbonstories.org

Complaining is Not for Rainy Days, or Ever

Do you ever have that urge to want to complain about everything, but then you think of someone who would love what you have at this very moment? I've had this internal battle all morning. It's leading me to pray and read, but very interesting how the enemy just keeps nagging me to jump on Facebook and write my 10 reasons why I'm grumpy today. Of course, Joyce's devotional this morning was all about complaining which gave me a great giggle, but still find myself wanting to have some big fat pity party! Lol. Anyway, I'm sure 5 days of rain isn't good for anyone at this point so going to focus on being thankful...

I'm thankful for the 8" of rain because............. Ya. I'm sorry. Nothing comes to mind for that one. I'm not trying to be funny! Truly, nothing there. I could make up something like, because it gives us water to drink, but then I'd be totally lying. 

Okay let's try this again. I'm thankful for being stuck home with my kids, again, because... Lol... Just kidding, I have lots of reasons I'm thankful for that. :) now I am trying to be funny...

Really, in the end, it's 9:30, my kids are sound asleep and I've had an hour of quiet time, showered and off to make an omelet. There's most definitely nothing to complain about here. So little devil on my shoulder, you can move along now.

Oncotype DX

Well, that was kind of annoying. I just wrote a nice big blog and it didn't save it. So now we get the condensed version, lets see...

The girls have been awesome since church Sunday. They've quit bickering, they are helping one another and around the house, and its made things a hundred times easier to deal with. Skip went back to work this week which has been working out well. We had several friends, and my dad yesterday, help entertain us and help with dinner and chores. It's beyond a blessing to have so many people pitching in to keep things moving along.

Yesterday I got a call from the doctor with the Oncotype DX results. I'll be honest, I completely forgot about this test which I guess is another blessing. Who wants to stress about getting a score that determines how likely it is that your cancer will come back? Um, not me! Ok. So anyway. Basically a score under 18 means chemo is likely ineffective for you, over 30 means it would likely be beneficial, and then the 22 points inbetween is the gray area where it may or may not be effective. You already know where mine fell, right? The gray area of course! My lucky number is 27.

I've mentioned to a few people that at this point we expect that I will have to do chemo. That doesn't mean we're stressing over it or planning ahead, I think our hearts are just prepared. With the tumor being larger than we thought, my age, the fact that it was fairly aggressive and now being on the higher end of the gray area, it just seems likely. We will know for sure on the 18.

I know i can do it if i need to. God gives me undeniable strength and peace on a daily basis. That scripture in the last post, "I will have no fear of bad news, for I trust in The Lord" has me covered in a peace that is unexplainable to this world as prior to that reveal I was getting nervous. Stupid junk started creeping in like a poison and it took me a couple of days and that friend sharing that scripture to shake my head and happily move on.

We have said from day one, it's going to be a crazy year. Thankfully little by little were chipping away at that crazy year and learning a whole lot in the midst of it. Hopefull at the end of it we can look back and know exactly why we had to go through it too.

Give some one a hug today, and happy rainy Fourth of July!